I have an amazing support system. I have incredible friends both within physical reach and those online that I’ve never actually met in person. My family is the BEST! I’m blessed with both my parents, my brother and sister-in-law and my two incredible children. These are the people that I’ve been leaning on the most in the last few months. They have given me so much strength and helped me discover that I’m really okay. The hardest part has been convincing myself that I’m okay.
It’s hard to explain depression. It’s definitely a feeling of hopelessness. For me, it’s this deep feeling that my life was a complete disaster and that it’s never going to get better. I have no energy and I don’t want to get out of bed. I’m such a failure to myself. Every day is a struggle. I’m drowning and no one can see it. Depression is not something that can be explained in words. It’s a dark hole with no way out. Luckily, therapy and medication have helped soften the evil beast that I battle every day.
One thing I’ve learned is that I need to set goals. I had always been a goal setter, but all my current goals were suddenly dashed when I recently lost my business, boyfriend, and home, all in one fell swoop. After several months of mourning these losses, I realized what I needed to do through the help of my therapist. Set new goals!
I had a sudden rush of adrenaline that I hadn’t felt in quite a while. I am going to take back control of my life. What do I want? What makes me happy? It’s time to be selfish and jump into a “New Beth” feet first. I laugh when my mom calls my goals “discovering the new Beth” because it’s really the “Old Beth” coming back to life.
So here are some goals I decided were necessary for me to grow as a person and gather a sense of joy. I hope that through sharing the steps I’ve been taking, someone else can gather strength from me. I’m still a work in progress.
Goal #1: Physical Self-Improvement
I took the first step by reaching out to friends. (Pre-COVID-19)
- I reached out to Darcie and told her I wanted to cut off all my hair and go back to my natural blonde color. Darcie has been my stylist for many years and she was happy to help. Getting the style the way I like it and getting rid of all the red color (and grey) in my hair has taken a few trips back and forth to Jenks, OK…but we are getting there!
- I reached out to Chinh and asked her for help with color analysis and makeup. Chinh is a sweet friend of my son, a sister Tri Delta, and the weekend news anchor on KOTV Channel 6 in Tulsa. She is a beauty consultant for Senegence. I absolutely adore her. She was able to connect me to Connie, a color consultant, who draped me in different color fabrics. I spent half a day learning all about which colors look best on me in clothing and makeup from Connie and Chinh. My mom had fun watching and participating, too. I felt amazing after our day! Mom and I have been having fun hunting online for clothes in our colors. This completely inspired me to start a whole new series of blog posts about adding color to your wardrobe.
- I reached out to Val and Lisa to ask about their intermittent fasting journey. I love and trust both these ladies and I’ve been fascinated by their weight loss. They told me about Delay, Don’t Deny by Gin Stephens. I started intermittent fasting and I love it! I’ve got 30 pounds to lose. This is another thing I can’t wait to share with you.
- I reached out to Jon, my long-time primary care physician, who helped get my blood pressure back under control. It was off the charts enough Christmas Day to put me in the hospital.
Goal #2: Jump-start my Business
- I reached out to Mike who is always encouraging me to push harder with Style by Beth and Chic Galleria. “Get back into it!” he said. I read back through my e-books and every post on this blog. Having a capsule wardrobe gave me peace and security. I loved running my stylist business. It was time for me to get that back! I updated my post Letting Go and Accepting Change because it certainly had a whole new meaning to me since I originally wrote it 2 1/2 years ago. If you read it back then, I was quitting my styling business and opening a Bed and Breakfast.
All these amazing friends helped me jumpstart my new goals without judgment or questions. I knew who to go to and they were all there to help.
Today I challenge you to look at your current goals. If you don’t have any, write some. If you haven’t thought about them lately, reassess them. If you’re just looking for a simple formula for change, I recommend 3 steps.
If updating your wardrobe is a goal, I’m here to help. If you’re suffering from depression, reach out. Find a therapist you can trust or send me a message. I’m not a professional in any way, but I’m living my life with treated clinical depression. I hope by sharing my story, I’m able to inspire anyone in need of motivation or a virtual hug. Stay safe and healthy, please!